I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
