Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize