You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
