i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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