he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
