ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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