so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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