yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
