As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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