Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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