So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
