i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
