if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish my penis had an off switch
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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