is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
