I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
"it" just moved
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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