I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
