Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
