there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
