i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
