There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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