I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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