Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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