Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
