I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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