never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
