it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
