That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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