oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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