what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
