I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
