i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
