It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Im part way to drunk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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