well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
