she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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