K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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