I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize