If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
