when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
