Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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