You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
