apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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