who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
