Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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