I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
