We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
