look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
