I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
