maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
