she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
