How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
