3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
