I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
