no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
