the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
