Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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