He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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