girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
