so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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