i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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