Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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