I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
