Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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