mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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