This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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