i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize