eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
