I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
