There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
