Redeem this text for a blowjob
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
