I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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