who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
