Don't make out with my wife yet
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
