Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
