My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
