Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
