Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
