Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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