I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
