tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
