Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
