grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Still dying that you shit outside
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
